February 2012
12 posts
I should clarify...
The bag I posted earlier is for babies. It’s not a gym bag. It’s specially made for babies.
I picked up two today. I always seem to get the baby calls. :(
On another note: People really assume we pick up dead people and parade them around in a body bag labeled “dead guy” or “dead baby”? They really do. Trust me, I could get a guy out of your apartment...
Workout pants on backwards in public.
I’m winning at life today.
Alarm clocks
The best alarm clock is a hungry pug.
A boxer that hears a car door helps too.
Hot lava boobs
My dogs like to play hot lava while I’m in bed. Except instead of using the furniture they use my boobs.
It’s a painful game.
It's too easy.
(the dog is chasing her tail or some stupid thing on the floor and we’re in bed with the door closed)
Jim: What’s Lily doing?
Henry: Playing with the ghost.
Jim: Sheeeeeeiiiiit.
January 2012
57 posts
I shouldn’t have cut my own bangs.
Anonymous asked: Per chance you wouldn't happen to know the rules when it comes to morticians an mecinal marijuana licenses? Or where could one find out?
My GF makes me these super-healthy fruit smoothies...
gravyholocaust:
Boys and Girls, that’s how you know it’s: I wish you were skinnier love.
I do this too. But not because it’s I-want-you-to-be-skinnier love, I do it because it’s I’m-constantly-dealing-with-women-whose-husbands-have-died-too-soon-because-of-their-seriously-awful-diet-and-I-don’t-want-you-to-die-on-me love. Just one of the downfalls of being with a...
You know what's funny?
Casually referring to the ghosts in the house before Jim goes to sleep.
Karma
I saw a 300 lb man in the parking lot of the supermarket with a FLASH shirt on and laughed like an asshole. (not AT him but to myself)
I went to check out at the register and dumped a whole container of blueberries all over our register and the neighboring one. Karma took it one further by having me step in and squish a good majority of them.
“I say put just ONE girl in an otherwise ALL-male environment and TRAIN her to...”
– tanya77 on Girl Scouts
1 tag
“I love it. I love love love love love it. I’ll tell you how much my...”
– I introduced Jim’s mother to Indian food
nickholmes:
Llama; drama.
The internet has been a funny place today. I just realized I’ve been staring at this on loop for the last 2 minutes.
“Why am I posting at all, you ask? Because I ripped my pants, and have to stay at...”
– Shiny Red Balloon
This is gold.
PSA: Harry Potter does not exist
But Muggles do.