November 2008
233 posts
“Nothin too slutty though, that taint my style. … I wrote taint...”
– in a text to my friend. I make myself laugh.
I should have seen that coming. →
You sir have just upped your douche level.
Can't stop.
I can’t stop playing with my fat suit belly. It’s like I just up and grew a third breast out my stomach. Maybe I’ve been going about things all wrong. Maybe I should start dating super fat dudes so that I can just sit and play with their belly fat all day. Unless they were all shy about it. I mean, it’s not like it’d turn me on or anything, it be more like a kid with...
I'm the new Cinderella.
I just got invited to go to a Ball. I feel like Cinderella!
Okay granted it’s a Marine Ball…
and that it’s my brother asking me…
but it’s still a freakin’ Ball alright! Geeeeesh… you people and your “specifics”…
October 2008
415 posts
“But mooooooooommmmm… he has such perfectly crooked teeth!!!!!”
– I’m a sucker for teeth.
Watchryanluce:
This is pretty much hj today.
So I am or am not being politically correct? Either way I love that I was used as a reference to ATHF… the way to my heart is cartoons.
I keep yelling at people from my desk to get me pizza… it’s not working.
I just heard someone suggest to yell louder.
…
Still not working. I need a pizza bitch.
Update: Apparently I don’t need a pizza… it’s just the fat costume talking.
“Henry wins Halloween. I wouldnt let that dude fuck me with George Clooney’s...”
– The AntiKris
Thanks Kris. I have a feeling if I were to have sex in this costume it would be a given that I’d be super sweaty before the clothes came off, I’d make horrible grunting noises, and my BO would knock my bitch out. That’s how I would do Halloween sex anyway.
The fat is affecting me.
I think my fat man outfit is affecting me. I can’t stop eating, or even thinking about food. All I want to do is eat pizza and sit with my lets wide open. I’ve even started walking like a fat man and have coffee stains on my tie that weren’t there this morning.
I think my internet is secretly a fat man.
I’m trying to get my pictures of my costume and it just decided to take a shit all over me.
Pictures coming soon… or well, whenever my internet decides to get over itself and take a joke.
I now realize that wearing my fat man costume on the bus to work was a bad idea. I think I’ve just insulted 3/4 of the whole bus.
Ha ha!
yumwatch:
Walked down to Hollywood Toys & Costumes and got an auburn wig! Halloween costume here I come!
I got a gun pulled on me in that place two years ago, I’m always sketch when I go in there now.
“Boo!…. Oh, you just don’t scare.”
– my friend. with whom I’m not on good terms, IMed to me today as a way to break the ice between us. My response: “You’re right I don’t.”
This has REALLY put a huge damper on my work day. →
It’s like I just can’t stop watching! I know one of them is going to poop on another one and I just have to be there when it happens.
LIVE PUPPY CAM →
And again, this will be left open on my computer all day… today will be a good day.
(via:tumbledore)OMJ!
My wife is a prostitute?
Wife: wow
I'm standing outside smoking
and an old man walks up and says, "hey sweetheart, you working?"
I say "yep"
"great, i really need a blow job, how much?"
"sorry, ,wrong kind of work. Take a walk asshole"
"Call the cops"
"Okay, give me a sec"
"They'll see my ass cheeks before they arrest me, you're a fucking bitch"
and then another homeless man came to my rescue (at which point im laughing hysterically), and now they're outside fighting
Henry: really?
what are you wearing today?
Wife: jeans, urban outfitters shirt, brown boots
Henry: damn you wifey, are you puttin the titties on display again?
Wife: there's no covering up these bad boys
they're omnipresent
Henry: true
true
i love your boobies
Wife: they love you too
Henry: :)
can i blog it?
Wife: of course you can
Henry: good, me asking was really just a curtesy, i was gonna blog it anyway
Wife: yep, you're an asshole
Henry: admittedly
Wife: ha, i just heard a commotion out front. blow job guy is back, taylor was yelling at him, and he screams at me "i would have given you 5 bucks!!!"
ah, the joys of hollyhood
“Is it slutty to think, “Hmmm. I think I could make that work.”
– You say I think I’m never wrong.
Not slutty so much as… wow, really? Okay, but can I take pictures?
It's not raining... it's an illusion.
I have no rain here in Santa Monica. Damn you skies!
To anonymous nice person,
Thank you for the flower in the cute little jar left on my desk. That was very sweet. Thank you Mr./Mrs./Miss Anonyous you totally brightened my hungover morning.
Henry
ps- I have a feeling it was TFail cause I know she secretly digs me in that way… plus I know of no man who would actual do something like this… so… yeah, thanks Teeen.
“Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?”
– Woodrow Wilson to his wife Ellen Wilson, in a letter (via cellophaneflowers) (via mllewang)
Now picture what Woodrow Wilson looked like, then re-read the quote… ew.
netflix for books →
apollosraven:paperbackgirl:
my brain is exploding right now. this is amazing.
Isn’t that called a Library? Maybe I’m old-fashioned an all but I still go to them.
“…that bitch makes my no-no hole pucker. I think it’s trying to blow...”
– Dlisted | Be Very Afraid
“On a good day I am dancing with you. On a great day, I dance with the universe.”
– my friend Beau’s “About Me” on FB. I love it, I wanna marry it.
This town is too small for me.
So I’m going to have to admit that I met a guy off of myspace like 3 or 4 years ago or something like that. He was an adorable guy, I just wanted to wrap him up and put him ever so softly in the cage in my closet.
Eventually we met and he was a straight up ass-muncher. Super cocky, but in an adorable way. I was almost willing to put up with his ego since I have this ever-present flaw of...
Weekend Lover
(I just found this poem that this boy sent me back in 2005… so funny and cute and pent-up. I love getting poems.)
Weekend Lover 7/23/05 Lettuce hating loser, Bacon eating ham face. Sexy little vixen, Freaky freaky lover. Starving me for sex, With your kisses and your Tongue tricks. Sucking on my finger, your little fried zucchini. The bartender is gay, Gets me loaded with his potions. So...
I just voted and now I feel really good about myself.
A zipperneck kind of story through pictures...
Babe City: The Lady's Version of BonerParty. →
frangry:
Although, they need an editor. Some of these ‘babes’ are FAR from it. And duh, it’s obviously not as funny.
Really not at funny. Apart from an editor they probably should add a West Coast rep too…