September 2008
302 posts
Time gets a face.
Human Calendar
Human Clock
“Time keeps on slippin’ slippin’ slippin’… into the future.”
There's Rumors On Teh Internets: Is Sarah Palin's... →
thedailywhat:
HuffPo has a slideshow. You be the judge.
Are we serious with this shit? I get it, she’s an idiot and she’s not competent to run our country… but is it seriously necessary to care whether she tattoos on some fucking lip-liner? Maybe Obama tattooed his skin black… oh shit, just got you started on another flip-book of Obama’s skin tone for the last 11...
Semi Precious Weapons
I saw these guys play at the Viper Room one night, hilariously entertaining performance. While we were hanging out afterwards, I was talking with Cole (the bass player) and he says that I looked familiar.
Cole: Don't I know you? You look really familiar.
Me: Uh, no I don't think so?
Cole: Yeah! I do know you. We met at Bobby's party at his brother's house!
Me: Dude, that was a long time ago... no clue. But I think I would have remembered meeting you cause I love you're show... fuckin' cracks me up.
Cole: ? What show?
Me: We have no idea who we are do we...
Cole: You're Henry.
Me: And you're the Sean from the tv show Psyche.
Cole: No I'm not.
Cole: And I'll tell you another thing... I have no idea who Bobby is... it was just a way to talk to you... but that's amazing that it worked.
Me: Wow. Clever. I'm a little impressed. I'm gonna go find my friend.
Crop-dusting.
henryeatspeople: when i was with my ex and we'd be in a crowded group of people i would always without a doubt have to fart and he knew this. so i'd just let it rip and walk away leaving him there to face it
ryanluce: nice!
henryeatspeople: after doing it so many times he finally got wise to me so then he'd yell after me, "Henry! Are you fucking serious?!"
emo poems and shit, we bring the goods.
ryanluce: henry was not good to me today henry decided to piss all over my face henry knows all about it she makes me eat her shit
ryanluce: theres a good emo poem for ya
ryanluce: written by ryan luce
henryeatspeople: i just printed that out and shoved it up my ass
henryeatspeople: i'll shit it out later when I wanna read it again
LAPD Crime Maps →
I’m on a roll tonight. If you ever wanna move here and aren’t sure where… this site is so brilliant it’s mesmerizing.
“God damn it, Henry - why the fuck are you so paranoid?!”
– walpaper
It can’t be a good thing that I’ve heard this way too many times… or can it? Fuck me man, I just can’t stop!
Jesus people.
I wasn’t try to say we didn’t need more parks. I was just pointing out the irony in the fact that the picture that was posted was of a seemingly pretty, peaceful park in Los Angeles which also happens to be highly riddled with crime (all that shit happened within this past 7 days btw). I live the life of a paranoid hermit so I torture myself by knowing all the latest criminal...
ryanluce:
henryeatspeople:
This lovely guy sat there for ever letting me shoot him from all angles. Gorgeous!
Hey! You met my stepmom!
Is your daddy a heifer then? I’m so confused… your family needs help.
“My boner was hard to conceal in my black work pants, so i went to a corner and...”
– intelligentleman
“There really needs to be burlesque porn… god I’d love some of that.”
– my little cousin after seeing his first burlesque show (I think there’s some things I need to explain.)
I set bad examples.
So the porn event I was supposed to take my little cousin to was a bust, well, not entirely… After finally getting our shit together (aka. drinking and smoking mass amounts at home cause we’re fucking cheap) and securing a ride to downtown LA the red carpet was long over, the screening of the porn itself was over, and the after-party was just starting. We finally find this place with...
“I am a gigantic lesbian. I LOVE eating box. NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM”
– henryeatspeople needs box
“You know what… you all suck cause I’m fucking hilarious today.”
– henryeatspeople needs boobs.
Pornstars and Free Booze... this may just end up...
I’m taking my little cousin to a red carpet movie premier for the biggest budget porn movie ever made tomorrow night. There will be pornstars galore and free booze. My whole goal will be to get him laid… by a male pornstar… sshhhhhh… I so wish I had a video camera, or at least one of those secret agent hidden cameras.
Screw debates and our future, it’s all about...
I'm gonna get fired right?
guy: Hey is Craig there this is Fredrick with coke.
me: I'm sorry what? You have coke?
guy: haha... um... no. I'm from the company Coca Cola and I'm looking for Craig.
me: (frantically searching for the transfer button)
Women will not kiss you on the bus.
(Master Shake and Meatwad call Frylock from jail.)
Frylock: you got another dui didn't you
Meatwad: hang up on his ass
Frylock: i'm gonna have to take the bus down there okay?
Master Shake: i'm gonna have to take the bus from now on permenantely, according to what some guy told me, AND I AIN'T RIDIN' THAT CHEESEBOX! it's a major deterent for the women.
Meatwad: women will not kiss you on the bus
Frylock: okay look, it's gonna take me a while
Meatwad: hang up on him.
The 86 Rules of Boozing →
Favorite:
56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
“i just feel like the guy should initiate wayyy more of the time because they’re...”
– (via officed)
Completely disagree…
Guys should be the ones to initiate romance and spice. Girls should be the ones to initiate sex. Reasoning: guys will hump EVERY time, girls won’t.
“The average bar memory is short. … I once flirted with a homeless, jobless...”
– Miss Information (via www.nerve.com)