May 2009
38 posts
"How to boil an egg"
I actually looked this up on the internet, printed out the instructions, tried to do said instructions and promptly failed.
*the important part is that I tried… but now the kitchen smells like a foot.
April 2009
36 posts
Desmond from LOST is sued for sexual harassment... →
My immediate thoughts:
Desmond motorboated you and you’re calling it harassment? I call that my lucky day.
I’m going to hell.
Yes, I did ask myself “Wait, did she get pregnant on the island?”
Oh man she was pregnant AND getting felt up by Desmond…
I’m sinking already… see you all in hell.
My friend sent me a "kiss" over the internet by...
I’ve been trying for like an hour to make a penis. This is all I’ve come up with:
(3=3
but that made sense to no one but me so I’ve been trying this:
O 11 w
I feel like a failure…
Ferrets are illegal in California.
How gay is that?! I’m pissed now…
Not only is my nephew going to hate his mother when he grows older for all the hilarious blackmail material, but he’s also going to grow up to hate his Aunt Heehee cause she spread it all over the internet.
That’s what I’m here for though right? To convince him that there are sharks in the bathwater, that showers make you go bald, and to spread around his nude potty-training...
I almost pooped myself...
when I saw this wonderful lady on my most favorite of shows, Psyche, last night. The fact that she most likely got to stand and be so close to James Roday makes me a little… you know… well, we all know how I feel about James Roday…
“Don’t let her fool you. ……. Learn from my misfortunes and sleep with...”
– TFail hates people, loves art
Tina, didn’t I always respect the “moat”? Yes, yes I think I did. In fact, on one occasion I seem to remember waking up to: me fully clothed on the edge of the bed and you completely naked. And I also seem to remember Din being the secret snuggler....
“Reading that is like getting sucked off by an angel.”
– a reader’s quote in response to this article=> FUCK YEAH TEAM VENTURE!: Jackson Publick | TV | A.V. Club (… and I couldn’t agree more…)
I have a type?
I just did a photo grid of boys I’ve started out dating based solely on looks… They all look eeriely similar. (I thought of posting it but one is a tumblr and the others are for my eyes only.) But then again all these boys have meant something seriously special to me, and still do, as we continue to have great friendships. But, and it’s a big BUT, it’s never worked out with...
My friend's son is worried that his parents will... →
So I’m cutting out the 3D Ceiling Cat for him. I told him if he puts this above his parent’s bed on their ceiling he can rest assured that he won’t have anymore brothers or sisters. I said that if his parents said anything about it to tell them, “God’s cat is watching you sin.” He’s 4… hell, it’d freak ME out.
Furthermore...
6od:
It’s really fucking cold. And I think these cigarettes are stale. The clouds stopped moving.
Whenever I notice that the clouds have stopped moving I get a sudden panic that the world has stopped revolving around me… but then I go back on tumblr and all my worries are gone.
Who is this Tomoatmeal and how to I go about... →
I've tried
most of my life to err on the nature side of the argument that people are inherently good. Thus comes my revelation today as I’m in the midst of stopping myself from throwing the phone across the room just before telling myself that it’s not this poor unknowing inademant objects fault that people are fucking pigs. Humanity, as an ever-growing ever-changing ever-adapting ever-evolving...
Today menu: horse hooks, steads, and face-plants
I climbed up to the top of the hay bales in the barn to knock down some of the bales. The bales are stacked about 20 high and they weigh about 100 each. You know those hooks they have in horror movies like this…
well, I used one of those to hook into the hay bale to drop it down. I had dropped two down and was going for the third but the hook didn’t release when I threw it…...
Dear Tumblr,
Alright… fine. From talking in lengths to TFail I’ve decided to not give up my tumblr. I suppose that means I should put up pictures or whatever of all the stuff I’ve been doing and start explaining where I am. I’ll get to it when I get to it cause I don’t know how to explain, deal. Glad you’ve all taken notice.
Henry