August 2009
113 posts
tanya77:
I know I’m supposed to have my shit together, BUT I NEED SOMETHING TO MOTHER FUCKING HAPPEN.
I find it helpful to run around naked for awhile, painting my face like a banshee, dig in the neighbors garden a little, then call a friend and whine it out. Might just be me though.
DJ AM now?! Really?
No one is safe.
My ego just got stroked.
“Let’s meet for lunch at 1:30 in town. Oh, and bring my gun.”
– conversations with my mother are never surprising anymore.
Psst...
I’m coming back to Cali soon. Most likely to stay, unless you piss me off again California… then I’m gonna have to punch you in the nuts and get the fuck out again. Watch yourself California.
I just may be a psychic. Or god. It's one or the...
Around noon today I was driving on this dirt road singing along to… aw who cares, let’s get to this. So this random thought comes into my head about my sister-in-law. Which is weird cause I don’t normally just think about her, I mean, I do, but aw hell I don’t think she reads this. No. I don’t normally think about her all that much. I thought it so hard that I...
“I have enough trouble putting my pants on properly in the morning, you people...”
– i am the fat manatee.: Wait, I was supposed to post a picture of myself?
Here’s my GPOYW. I’m so lazy it’s even a reblog. I just drove 2 hours in the pitch dark through backcountry to put an envelope on someone’s unlit dark creepy mobile home. I’ve had enough...
“Can I come over to your house tonight and beat you up, rob you and maybe throw...”
– this guy is no longer an acquaintance…
Got super excited about making a scrambled egg...
Then sadly I had to tape this message to the bowl of eggs:
BE WARNED: Some of these eggs are “in the family way” so crack them into a bowl first or you may just be frying a chicken instead.
I gave up on the sandwich, I’m gonna have to have a talk with our chickens.
It's called transference I think.
My married friend asked for suggestions for sex music. We discussed music she could do a stripdance to. Then she asked about music she could play after the dance whilst they’re getting it on. I immediately said Portishead, no hesitation.
Now all she talks about is how amazing Portishead is.
Now whenever we talk I think of sex.
Hyperbole
allisonweiss:
It is kind of embarrassing when a person hears a song you wrote about them and gets the wrong impression that you’re a really intense person, when in actuality you’re pretty normal, it’s just that singing something like “You’re all I’ve ever wanted” has a better ring to it than “You’re pretty cool and I like you enough to want to date you at least for a little while unless it doesn’t...
falcorisdrinking:
fuck. fuc.
Omg. This is the...
I did what? Who called?!
I woke up this morning and looked at my phone. Someone (unknown number) had called me at around 2am. I MUST have known this at the time…
I called my voicemail right after this call…
I ONLY call my voicemail if someone leaves a voicemail (obviously)…
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO CALLED AND WHAT MESSAGE I LISTENED TO!
(I remember nothing.)
I just found a booger in my library book while reading in bed and my flashlight immediately died for the final time… now i don@t know where the mystery booger is and im in darkness. is this an FML?@
Hey you, yeah you... don't be one of those girls....
Just tumblin'... like in real life... oh...
I got the random spontaneous chance to teach this group of little kids how to do handstands and cartwheels today. It was so awesome! I taught gymnastics for 8 years and grew up in a gym so this really brought me back. The look on a little girl’s face when they see you tumbling around is awesome. Then you show them how to do it and they’re so surprised that they can actually almost do...
I'm off to watch a "Pigtail Contest" at a rural...
-I’m interested if it’s a pigtail like on a little girl’s head, or a pigtail on the ass of a pig. Hey, it’s a small town fair… who the hell knows!
(Update: So I didn’t make it in time for the contest so I didn’t get my question answered. However it seems I came just in time for the “Cock Contest”. Oh the look on the poor little boy’s...
“Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find...”
– TXTS FRM LST NGHT: (substitute library for computer)
“This is more awkward than having sex with a rhinocerous that doesn’t love...”
– Peter
Heather Henry James Welborn's anagram name is:
MEN HATE HER. NOW JEER BRASHLY
Wow. Really hit the nail on the head on that one.
