April 2010
108 posts
I just found out that Jim uses my "time of the...
Jim: Do you want to do anything tonight?
Henry: Maybe. It depends on how my ovaries are treating me.
Jim: OH CRAP! I HAVE TO TURN IN MY EXPENSE REPORTS! (runs out of the room)
“henryeatspeople:
If Samuel L Jackson was white and had a vagina FACT has a dog...”
– Not Safe for Human Consumption: Greetings New Followers
I’m flattered dickface, utterly flattered to be on your little list of hard-knocks. Another fact, I also have a dog named ‘Zim’ because I ate a tiger which didn’t agree with me so I threw it back up… whole.
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A few of the companies in:
Arizona
America West Airlines
Best Western
Buffalo Exchange
Circle K
ColdStone Cremery
Clear Channel Outdoor
ClubJenna
Dial
Discount Tire Co
Fender
Fox Animation Studios
Go Daddy
Greyhound
Taser
TGIFridays
Off Madison Avenue
PetSmart
PF Changs
Ramada
SkyMall
Taco Time
U Haul
US Airlines
Oklahoma
Alamo Rent-a-Car
American Fidelity Assurance
Dollar-Thrifty Automotive...
They're just making it easy.
I’m so glad that many States, lately, have been making it easy to decide whether I want to live there or not. To name two specifically: Arizona (also) and Oklahoma
Since my brother is moving to Arizona I’m sure I’ll have many many opportunities to take a crap on their streets. There has to be some way to boycott these states that will actually matter?
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Many people and cultures grieve in their own way. →
My thoughts:
This is from the same funeral home that had the wake with the boy standing straight up in the corner for most of it. So that explains a bit.
I hope there was grief counseling set up.
I’d like to know how they explained this to any children who might have attended.
I actually find this incredibly inventive and honestly don’t find it much different, theoretically, from...
yimmyayo:
Dear Everyone,
Please, I’ve said it a million times and I’ve been completely honest and open about this. I do not claim ANY copyright or ownership of anything posted on this blog unless noted. I’ve just received a complaint about breach of copyright from this post. I urge you, if you see something that you have created and wish it to be credited, and I’ve said this before, please...
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Tumblr is broken… nevermind, John Mayer just got a tumblr. No explanation needed.
“It is unconscionable to grant a physician legal protection to mislead or...”
– -Gov. Brad Henry (in response to this)
Seriously? I can’t even comprehend how horrible this whole thing is. I didn’t know that my own doctor is legally able to flat out LIE to me. Fuck Oklahoma’s laws. If you live there, move. If you’re thinking of living there, don’t....
Ask a Mustache →
QUESTION 1: Did Jim just seriously ask me that?
ANSWER 1: Yes, Jim seriously just asked you that. It might seem unbelievable, but if we know Jim, he’s partial to blowing minds.
QUESTION 2: How many times is it necessary to shower? Cause I really hate showering.
ANSWER 2: I’m not a fan of the shower either. I have no purpose getting wet. It makes me look too skinny and flat....
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Just A Tip:
If you leave me a question here, please leave an email I can reply to… unless you don’t want your question answered and you just wanted to throw it out into space. If you’re wishing to remain anonymous, that’s fine, however I can’t guarantee that I’ll answer every question on my tumblr. I usually prefer to answer most questions one-on-one.
Thanks for the...
Stupid laws.
I just got a cruiser bike so I was looking up the laws and such in my area.
Among the equipment your bike is required to have is a seat. If not, you will get a ticket.
I’ll let you think about that for a second.
I've been wrestling with myself.
Henry: i just found out why i haven't got my answer about the job yet
Friend: why is that
Friend: wrong number?
Henry: there was an accident on the freeway and someone died
Henry: the person who will be my boss is the one getting the body
Friend: oh no!
Friend: well at least you know it's not because of you, possibly
Henry: well...
Henry: what sucks is my frame of mind of the whole thing
Friend: whats your frame of mind
Henry: my first reaction was, "fuck, why didn't he just call me earlier, hired me, and I could have gotten the body for him"
Henry: rather than, say, a normal person's reaction like yours, "oh no!"
Friend: hahaha
Look here kids...
If you start following me or reblog me, I WILL go check out your page.
That being said, if I go to your page and you have music that starts playing automatically… I will never NEVER follow you. If I wanted to hear your music I’d press the play button on my own. I’m a big girl, I can do those things.
Let’s not make this shit the new myspace. Cool?
Also, thanks for the...
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Unabomber Bomb.
I actually had to tell someone today that the Unabomber was so named because he,Ted Kaczynski, was originally known as the “(Un)iversity and (A)irline Bomber”… not because he was “The One Bomber”.
Go public schools!
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“Using the “search” feature on Tumblr is like asking a blind man...”
– me
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Other thoughts on the Un-Directory:
I love how the Directory used to be a “Who’s the Most Popular According to Staff”. However, since they’ve allowed people to start this whole voting debacle, being able to pay for your friends, and with the popularity increase of Tumblr itself to the general masses, it has now become the “How Many Teenage Girls/Douche-Knuckles Can We Fit On This Page” Directory....
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“Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen...”
– unknown
Anonymous asked: Do you ever feel guilt when you leave goodwill with awesome clothes and think I quasi-stole this from some really poor person who could use these more than me?
I do and I fucking HATE IT so then I go and donate a bunch of stuff the next day.
Yeah I know... I fail at life
I do and I fucking HATE IT so then I go and donate a bunch of stuff the next day.
Yeah I know... I fail at life
Anonymous asked: Well, she's at it again. I said, "Gram Gram, do you have to use so many cuss words, it does not befit a woman of your regal bearing." She goes, "I'll give you my regal bearing right up the side of your head, you goddamn pansy." And even though she said "pow!" as she swung I was able to avoid it because she's old and the left hook ain't what it...
Overall Bliss
Yesterday I got 2 overalls from goodwill for $2 each… Today I feel bliss.
(Coincidently I can pick my undies out of my butt and scratch my knee all in one downward reach.)
Like I said… bliss.
“I hate that you don’t have a blog, I hate not knowing what you’re...”
– -Laura Prepon (“Frankie”) a blogger on House (Season 6, Episode 14)
I relate all too well.
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I can't stop clicking. →
And after I click on one versus the other I immediately hate myself… I mean who wouldn’t pick a ring pop over Kirk Cameron? But then again how do you choose between lightning and pandas? Or Godzilla and urinals? All being equally awesome in their own right? There’s too many factors involved, like WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS?… hence the hating of self. It’s too early...
Anonymous asked: The birds outside my window are such assholes. I know the sound of birds singing is allegedly a good thing but there are hundreds of these jerks spazzing out in the tree right outside my bedroom window. It's like a GD bird prison riot out there. Obviously, a resort to firearms is warranted, and would be fun to boot, but I'd appreciate any input for less drastic solutions. I know what...
