Henry Eats People: Archive

New contacts.

And cue the awful intense headache. Goodbye cruel world, I’m going to go cry myself to pain medicine heaven.

May 1st

Timing

Jim: (comes over to the couch and gives me a series of kisses) I love you. 
Henry: (distracted with iPhone) Iloveyoutoo-Istartedmyperiod. 
Jim: You... Uh...  
Henry: (puts iPhone down) Sorry, I was going to tell you earlier but then you got up to let the dogs in and then I was waiting till you sat back down. 
Jim: Yeeeeeah, you need to work on your timing.

Apr 29th

Apr 28th

26 notes

“Why does everyone’s religion have to interfere with my ability to buy...”

– Henry/Me-spoken earlier today when we went out to purchase a new coffee table and found all the stores we wanted to go to closed. So we ended up with a bench. A fucking bench. I hope you and your ridiculous bunny are happy.

Apr 25th

pleasefireme: Please fire me. My co-worker (in a cube-farm) barks and howls at the top of his lungs at random intervals throughout the day. I have a coworker who randomly makes really loud high-pitched noises out of his mouth. One noise sounds like a tennis shoe squeaking on a basketball court. He also whistles really fucking loud all the time and I want to just slap the shit out of him. I...

Apr 22nd

Apr 20th

Apr 18th

Apr 12th

Jim: Ah! Don't sit up your letting the fart out! 
Henry: oh god Jim that's fucking awful...
Henry: Didn't you just go to the bathroom for like an hour?
Jim: Yes... Iay back down I gotta fart again. 
Henry: Jim, seriously... Just sit on the toilet for awhile. 
 ....
Jim: *holds the covers down a little tighter*
Henry: Jim go!
Jim: oookaaaay....

Apr 11th

32 notes

2 tags

There once was a girl who ruined a friendship, The effect of her actions she didn’t even think of it. When she wanted her back, The friend’s presence did lack. That’s what happens when hearts break in relationships.

Apr 10th

Henry: Well I'm now a certified notary at work. 
Jim: Sweet! Notarize this!!!!! *points with both hands at his junk while doing a dick-thrust*
Henry: I can't notarize anything that I have a vested interest in. 
Jim: I... I... I don't know where to go with this...

Apr 9th

There was a young lady from Nizes Whose breasts were two different sizes. One was so small It was nothing at all, But the other was huge and won prizes.

Apr 7th

Your best friend/bridesmaid bailing two months before your wedding. What do you even do with that?

Apr 5th

Apr 4th

You people need to enable relies.

Sometimes you post stuff that is just calling out for my witty comments but alas you get nothing from me. I’m forced to just keep it to myself and move on, this is no easy task for witty girls like me. I demand to be witty!

Apr 2nd

Watch

Sometimes after a grueling day of trying to give a guy some semblance of a neck and face all I want is a good foot bath.

Apr 2nd