September 2011
11 posts
The calorie-counter is a relationship killer
Henry: Holy crap! Guess how many calories are in what you just ate!
Jim: No.
Henry: Really, just guess!
Jim: I don’t want to know.
Henry: (quietly staring at Jim, trying not to judge)
Jim: …
Jim: Stop judging me.
Henry: …
Jim: …
Henry: (quietly) but there’s so many… … … … 1283.
Jim: Stop.
Drive
Watched “Drive” last night and every time I’d accidentally let slip a quiet little moan of inner-orgasm the man would slap my leg.
I had to stop watching the Ryan Gosling interview. I was eye-fucking him so hard it might’ve been grounds for a divorce.
I'm an embarrassment.
The man’s company had a golf tournament and somehow I got paired with the big boss guy. Bad things happen when I start drinking so early in the day:
1. I have a swollen welt (and it’s turning into a humongous bruise) on my right arm because apparently I don’t have good form. Everytime I swung it got worse.
2. I made a lady fly out of the cart. She somersaulted…...
I will never understand humans.
My uncle pulled over to the side of the highway in southern California and waited for a semi then stepped in front of it last Saturday. A completely normal 56 year old man with a wonderful wife, three grown & married children, and two cute-as-hell grandchildren. When these things happen I can only assume that over night a little alien came down, crawled up his ass, turned him into...
WatchLily’s puppy dog eyes will melt your soul.
I love when he's drunk.
(laying in bed after coming home from a bar, Jim is sitting up in bed trying to control his hiccups)
Henry: *faaaaaart*
Jim: Ooo, that sounds like the river.