Workout pants on backwards in public.

I’m winning at life today.

The best alarm clock is a hungry pug.

A boxer that hears a car door helps too.

My dogs like to play hot lava while I’m in bed. Except instead of using the furniture they use my boobs.

It’s a painful game.

(the dog is chasing her tail or some stupid thing on the floor and we’re in bed with the door closed)

Jim: What’s Lily doing?
Henry: Playing with the ghost.
Jim: Sheeeeeeiiiiit.